It’s been said that in (good) relationships we typically like 80% of the things about a person, and dislike the other 20%. Unfortunately, we frequently spend far too much time focusing on the 20% instead of recognizing and being grateful for the 80%. The truth is, most people think they can change the 20% they don’t like about the person. But they’re almost never successful.
I’ve found in life that you get what you give in relationships. When we give a lot, we get a lot back. If you continue to focus on the negative 20%, I guarantee the things you don’t like will start to seem like a much larger percentage of the person. The same holds true, however, if you focus on the positive 80%.
I think the same thing is true about how we treat our own self image. I’ve lived enough life to know that there are no perfect people. How much better off would we be if we spent our time focused on growing what is really good about ourselves, rather than obsessing over our negative aspects?
A broker in my business illustrates this point perfectly. He had been successful for many years, but he was never happy. He was very skilled at getting meetings and maintaining relationships with his clients. What’s not to like about that? But he always wanted to be “the whole package,” and was forever beating himself up over his perceived shortcomings.
One day another prominent broker said to him, “Why don’t you start focusing your energy on what you’re good at and quit worrying about what you’re not good at?” It was a “light bulb moment” for him that forever changed the way he looked at his situation. He was eventually able to recognize all the value he created with his strengths, even though he was not perfect at every aspect of the business. He focused less and less on his weaknesses and a funny thing happened: his strengths grew, as did his confidence.
He became comfortable in his own skin.
Have a great weekend,
Ro