In my opinion, treating people with respect is one of the strongest lessons that you can teach a young person. I chatted about this subject with an attractive young bartender named Megan who was in her early 20s. She said, “If you want to get respect you have to give it first.” She was referring to a lot of the young men today who seem to be buying into the media/entertainment industry hype that disrespecting women is the way to go.
All you young men out there (and a few older ones who might need to hear this too), please listen to me for a second. I’m calling you out today, but this advice applies to all kinds of relationships for all ages. My mom told me once that the reason I should listen to her advice is that I’ve been young but not old; she’s been both. Guys, I’ve been young. But I’ve also been old(er). So please pay attention to what I have to say.
I was fortunate enough to come of age during an era of fabulous music: I grew up listening to classic songs by artists like Stevie Wonder, Smokey Robinson and the Temptations. A lot of these artists’ songs were about women (no surprises there). But their lyrics focused on complimenting the woman in the song, telling her how beautiful she was and talking about how her love made the singer feel like he was on top of the world. Here’s an example: Bernadette, by the Four Tops. Sometimes, they sang about a lost love and how much they missed her. Another Four Tops example: The Same Old Song.
Contrast that with some of today’s popular music. How many songs have you heard recently that complimented a woman for something other than a physical asset? How many times have you hear women referred to by offensive names or talked about like objects? I could link to some examples of this, but I try to keep the Words of Encouragement pretty family-friendly. I think it’s sufficient to say that most of us have heard examples of these situations in popular music.
Comedian and entertainer Sinbad once said the number one complaint he hears from young men in his audiences is about their inability to get dates with young ladies. His standard response: start showing them some respect. You’ll be surprised how much that will help. I’m going to reiterate his advice with modern-day example.
Derek Jeter is a famous baseball player for the New York Yankees. Even if you don’t follow baseball, you’re probably familiar with Derek Jeter. Yet love him or hate him, you can’t deny that during his 18-year career, he has not been involved in a major personal scandal. It’s hard to believe that a guy facing as much media scrutiny as Derek Jeter would manage to keep his name largely out of the mud for so long, especially as he remains one of the country’s most eligible bachelors.
In an interview with Barbara Walters, Jeter offered a glimpse of his secret. He said whenever he asked a woman out on a date he had a limousine pick her up and drop her off along with a big bouquet of flowers at the end of the evening. Now I know most of us aren’t as rich as Derek Jeter. But although limousines may be expensive, chivalry and respect are free. Take a page out of a future Hall of Famer’s book and show some to your next date. I think you’ll be surprised how much respect showing a little respect can get you.
Have a great weekend,
Ro