As we journey through life, many of us will learn this lesson the hard way. Whether in your personal or professional life, it is always important to, as they say, “know when to hold ‘em and know when to fold em’.”
Sometimes when things get stressful we find ourselves fighting to win every point or argument. The truth is, some battles are better left alone or put off for another day or time. If we fight the wrong battle too hard, we may end up winning the battle but losing the war.
One example of a battle that is almost always a bad idea is an argument with your boss. Take it from me – you may score a victory on some minor point, but that victory can end up costing you a lot in the long run.
Bosses generally have large egos and like to be right. These traits are a big part of the reason they got into that position in the first place. They tend to have long memories for people who violate Rule #1: “The boss is always right.” Rule #2, by the way, is: “When in doubt, refer to Rule #1.”
I’m not saying you can never disagree with your boss, or even that you can never talk to your boss about the things on which you disagree. But I am saying you should be careful how you approach these conversations and take the time to think them through. Always ask yourself first, “Is this going to be a ‘bad stand’?”
A friend of mine would always send scalding e-mails to his boss when they disagreed on something, outlining his position and explaining why the boss was wrong and he was right. When he wrote one of these e-mails, he would call me to vent and read me the e-mail. I would say, “Ok, you got that off your chest; now erase it without sending it.” But to my surprise, he almost always told me, “It’s too late; I already sent it.” Ouch.
By putting his angry feelings in writing and sending that to his boss, it went on the record and his boss was forced to take action. Unfortunately, the action the boss chose to take was usually – I’ll be kind here – not what my friend was hoping for.
My brother learned the difference between a good run and a bad stand early in life. One afternoon when he was about 12 years old, our family was watching a college football game. He was rooting for one team and my dad was rooting for the other. It was an exciting game, but it ultimately ended with a victory for my dad’s team.
My brother stormed down to his room in the basement after the game, yelling the whole way. My dad decided to rub it in a little and sent our 5-year-old sister down to give my brother a message from dad: “Hee, hee, hee.” When she returned, my dad asked her what my brother had said in response. She then carefully curled up the fingers on one hand, one at a time, until she was giving what is commonly referred to as a “1-fingered salute.”
My dad’s smile vanished and he stormed down the stairs to teach my brother a lesson. But my brother, anticipating this result, had already run out the back door to a safe spot down the street. He waited to come home for hours, until my dad was asleep. The next day, he avoided contact with my dad until he seemed to have cooled down and forgotten about the incident.
Dave learned an important lesson that day: a good run is better than a sore behind.
Have a great weekend,
Ro