Life is funny. The more you achieve in life, the more is expected of you. The first big deal you land is awesome. But that deal sets a new bar for you to move on to the next big deal. The people around you start to expect more from you, and you expect more from yourself. With each additional success, you become bolder and more confident. You take on even bigger challenges. But over time, you raise that bar so high that it becomes almost impossible to get over.
What usually follows is a dark period littered with self-doubt and criticism. People you thought would be with you forever suddenly disappear. You start to wonder if you are capable of pulling yourself back out of this dark place. You start to wonder if your success was just luck, if any of it was due to your own skills and hard work or if any other person could have stepped into your shoes and achieved the same thing.
Clear examples of this cycle show up every year in sports. Take University of Texas football coach Mack Brown. He won the National Championship at Texas in 2005 and under his direction the Longhorns were regular participants in BCS Bowl games. The expectations were raised so high, but then the unthinkable happened: they became a mediocre football team. He is currently in danger of being fired.
I spoke recently to a doctor with a great reputation and over 30 years in the field of psychiatric medicine. He said in all those years and through all of the many patients he had seen, the primary cause of despair that he had noticed in his patients was a failure to measure up to their own expectations, a sense that somehow they had not lived up to their potential.
Imagine that! I guess the good news is that we are our own worst enemies. The way I look at it is that if we are the cause, we can also be the change.
A key factor that pushes us toward unattainable expectations is our outside influences. The truth is, most people who find success in sports or in business are competitive people, and competitive people aren’t usually happy with second place. They are also frequently over-concerned with what others think of them.
If you find yourself in this kind of situation, take some time to focus on the things you have achieved. If your career suddenly ended tomorrow, what would stand out as your major accomplishments? Try to go back to those moments when you achieved a goal or got that deal and remember what they felt like.
Remember that your past successes have value even if you never reach that level of success again.
Have a great weekend,
Ro
To whom much is given, much is required.
Ro, thought-provoking article. On the one hand, I agree with where you are coming from…one needs to look at the big picture of one’s career and recognize past accomplishments. On the other hand, you can’t stay there, just looking at the past (I’m not saying that’s what YOU were implying). And there IS a danger in trying to tie in your self-worth in what you DID (in the past)versus who you ARE today. I think that’s a big reason many of us men die shortly after “retirement”; we lose any self-worth because what we “are” (our careers) is over. I’d rather find my self-worth in my family and my Faith. But again, these are just my thoughts; I’m not really disagreeing with your blog, just rounding it out with my opinions. Guess that’s the sign of a successful blog…when you challenge people to think and respond! Regards, Tom.
Tom,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts! One of the things I like most about having a blog is how it can start conversations. I try to leave most of my essays a little open-ended, so that people can come to their own conclusions about the topics I am discussing. I do agree with you that there needs to be a balance between focusing too much on the past and focusing too much on the future.
Thanks again,
Ro