Many of us will experience stretches in our lives that are unfulfilling. These stretches are easy to fall into and hard to get out of, because no one wants to ask the powerful – but terrifying – question why? Why are we dissatisfied? What is it about our lives that was once fulfilling but now is not?
Generally, when we try to answer these questions we start at the wrong end of the problem. We say, “How can I fix this?” or “How do I make myself happy again?” We may end a relationship that seems to have become too much work, or decide to switch to a new job because we’re bored at our old one. Sometimes, these really are solutions to the problems at hand.
But more often than not, they are just band-aids, quick fixes that may make you a little happier in the short term but won’t actually fix the underlying problems. You see, you can’t start with “how.” First, you need to ask yourself “Why?”
Many people are willing to start questions with “why” – “Why me?” is a commonly asked question. But few people are willing to ask these kinds of questions seriously. When someone asks, “Why me?” it’s generally a rhetorical question. They don’t really want an answer to the question because it might involve hearing some unpleasant truths about themselves or their life.
But unless you are willing to seriously ask and answer the “why,” you probably won’t be able to address the “how.” Jumping to a new job because you are unhappy isn’t going to help you in the long term if the real reason for your unhappiness is that you don’t like working in your industry anymore.
The same holds true for client relationships. If you don’t know why your clients want something, it can be hard to figure out how you are going to deliver the product that will meet their needs. For example, if I don’t know the reason why one of my clients wants to move from their current location it makes it much harder to figure out what properties to show them. They may give me a general idea of what kind of property they are looking for, but there are a lot of factors that go into these kinds of decisions. As I learn more about why they want to move it gives me much greater insight into the client’s needs and wants, which gives me a huge advantage in figuring out how I can meet those needs.
This blog is another example. When I first started writing Ro’s Words of Encouragement I focused most of my energy on the how – How do I build an audience? How to I write something that will appeal to that audience? How do I come up with a new idea every week? Those are good questions, but they missed the point. When I started asking why – why would someone want to read my blog? Why would, say, a successful business owner be interested in what I have to say? – I found much more success. I was able to tailor my writing and marketing efforts towards addressing the why – and the how just fell into place on its own.
Have a great weekend,
Ro