My wife and I are both at the age where we are dealing with the reality of aging parents. I’m sure many of my readers are facing the same issues. Those of you who are younger might still want to pay attention to this, because it is an issue that all of us who are fortunate enough to have our parents live long lives will eventually face.
As their loving children we try to help our parents manage their health – medications, doctor’s visits, and diets – and other quality of life issues like their physical and mental well-being. We often become frustrated when they don’t seem to listen to our advice, or when they seem reluctant to take even seemingly small steps that we think would improve their lives.
My brother is a physical fitness fanatic and has often commented about his frustrating experiences trying to get my mother, who is in her 80s, to become more physically active. He knows the health benefits of exercise and doesn’t understand why my mother won’t do things like join an exercise class for seniors in her retirement community or walk laps around her house. Although he means well, he is looking at it from his (relatively) youthful perspective.
My mother told me recently on one of our Sunday drives that she still feels young mentally, and has an internal perception of herself as a young woman. As an example of this she told me that when she gets a call from her kids inviting her to a family party, she gets so excited that she mentally pictures herself dancing at the event. Then as the day goes by and the reality of her physical shape settles in, she finds a way to decline the invitation. Though in her mind she is dancing, the reality is that in her current health it takes her a lot of energy just to walk from her bedroom to her family room.
Jerry Claiborne, the College Football Hall of Fame coach, told me a similar story once while he was the head coach at the University of Kentucky. He said that he went back to his hometown and visited his oldest sister, who was 18 years older than him. Coach Claiborne was in outstanding physical shape and could not understand his sister’s lack of physical fitness. He lectured her about her health and told her she should take more walks around the block and do other types of exercise. His sister responded by asking him if he had rheumatoid arthritis, which created such pain that she could barely make it out of bed some mornings, and if he was blind in one eye, and if he had several other disabling health issues with which she was currently dealing. He thought about it for a minute, and then told her, “You’ve got a good point there.”
It’s important for us to continue to try and help our parents but we have to remember that although they might still see things clearly from a mental perspective, our elderly parents are often dealing with tough physical ailments and since we haven’t been there, we can’t always understand how hard those ailments can make such “simple” things as going for a walk around the block.
We must be patient with them, because our chance to experience what they are going through will be here soon enough, and we will want our children to treat us with patience and respect when it comes.
Have a great weekend,
Ro
