Some of the easiest advice to give and hardest to take is to talk less and listen more. Why do you suppose that is? I think we all inherently place more importance on what we have to say than what anyone else has to say. We’re focused on the impact our words will make on the other person – what we can say next to impress them or bring them around to see our point of view. Somehow it never seems to occur to us that the most impressive thing might be to really listen to what they have to say.
The most successful people I’ve encountered in business are often the best listeners. It is not that they don’t have anything to say – quite the opposite. But they are more focused on the things they can learn by listening to what others have to say. When they listen, it develops an immediate connection with the other person and makes them feel respected. After all, we all love to feel like we are being heard, and that our words and ideas are valued.
My brother accidentally became an excellent listener when he was interviewing for a new job. He was uncomfortable doing the talking in the interviews, so he would turn the tables and get the interviewer talking to him by asking them well-researched questions about the company. One of his go-to questions when interviewing with a “higher up” at the company was to flatter them a bit: “You’ve built quite a successful organization here – how did you do it?” This allowed the interviewer to talk about a subject they enjoyed, which made them feel good about themselves and look good in front of this “new guy”. My brother would listen intently to both flatter the interviewer and learn more about the history and inner-workings of the company. One time he opened with this question while interviewing with the president of a large company. The interview ended an hour later with the president walking my brother out, patting him on the back and telling his assistant, “I like this guy – we need to find a place for him!” – all without my brother saying another word.
One of the most talented interviewers in television history is Barbara Walters. She was known for getting even the toughest subject to open up. She did this simply by asking a tough question and then letting it sit there without saying anything else. The interview subject wouldn’t want to answer the tough question, but after a moment the silence would start to get uncomfortable – nature abhors a vacuum – and they would start to stammer out an answer just to fill the silence. The more they spoke, the more they would give away, until eventually they had answered the question they original had no intention of answering.
Make listening more your goal for the week. If nothing else, you will learn more by listening than you might otherwise, and you will almost certainly find that it boosts your relationships with clients and coworkers alike.
Have a great weekend,
Ro