I have a life-long friend who, shall we say, has a penchant for enjoying life. Even as most of his friends are aging and living comfortable, quiet lives, he is still fond of the nightlife. He loves to gamble and travel, particularly to big parties or events. People frequently ask him why he continues to live this way at his age and his answer is always the same: “Why not?”
You see, he long ago gave up trying to live his life to satisfy society’s expectations or his peers’ opinions.
When you stop and think about it, this can be a good way to go. When we focus on others’ opinions, we can rob ourselves of the chance to truly know and be ourselves.
When I first started out in commercial real estate I always felt like I needed someone else to help me close a deal. It was frustrating because I was effectively giving up control on all of my deals by bringing another person in, but I didn’t have enough confidence in my own abilities to do the deals on my own. One day another broker asked me why I kept doing this, and when I told him how I felt he responded, “You don’t need someone else to close the deal. You are more than capable of doing it on your own.”
I was surprised. As a relatively young, new broker, wasn’t I supposed to stay in my lane and defer to others with more experience? What would the other brokers in the office think if I started trying to do the deals myself instead of bringing them in to help? If I tried and failed, would they laugh at me? All these anxious thoughts ran through my head – but at the same time, I valued the opinion of the broker who told me I was capable, and I suspected he was right.
I started taking on more and more responsibility on my deals, until I was closing some of them on my own. They didn’t all go my way, but I quickly realized my associate was right: I was perfectly capable of handling them. By selling myself short, I had missed numerous opportunities. But things were going to be different going forward.
The next time you find yourself lacking that initial confidence and asking yourself questions like, “What will everyone else think?” or “Why would they need me?”, turn the question around and ask, “Why not?” Believe in yourself, and start seizing the opportunities you’ve been passing up while you lacked the confidence to go after them.
Have a great weekend,
Ro