Many years ago, when my daughter Grace was just learning to read, I used to sit next to her sometimes and listen to her sounding out the words. Without fail, on the nights that I listened to her she would turn to me afterward and say, “Thanks Daddy. I love you.” Man, that put me on cloud nine every time she said it.
As she progressed into her teenage years our conversations stagnated. When I asked her questions, her answers were short and clipped, and seemed to always contain some variation of “Yeah, okay, whatever.” Around this time I read an article in the Washington Post about an author who had just won the Pulitzer Prize. He talked about how big of an influence his father had been in his life. Every day after working long hours at a blue-collar job, the author’s father would ask him, “What did you learn today?” The author knew he would have to have an answer ready, because his father would listen to what he told him and comment on it. I decided to try asking my daughter this question. After all, what did I have to lose? The result shocked me. Her answers were detailed and insightful, and covered a wide range of topics. Not only did our conversations become more animated and interesting, I also learned a lot from listening to her!
Now that she is an adult, our conversations flow smoothly. It is not uncommon for us to spend an hour after dinner discussing various topics, from the latest political news to the state of the Redskins to the books we are currently reading. I don’t need to ask her that question anymore to prompt a thoughtful response. But in preparation for writing this week’s words, I tried asking Grace that question one day after she came home from work. It produced the same great results, and she even managed to surprise herself with the things she had learned about herself, her job and her co-workers.
Many of you may remember the words I wrote for Father’s Day 2010, about my own father. He was a great listener with all five of his kids, especially when we most needed him to listen to us. I can’t think of a better gift that a parent could give their kids this holiday season than taking the time to really listen to them.
Have a great weekend,
Ro